The God Who Builds
By Pastor Ben Reichel
He stood before the people of Israel, an old warrior with a final charge on his lips. Joshua, near the end of his life, gathered the families of Israel at Shechem and issued a challenge: “Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (New International Version, Joshua 24:15). It was a bold declaration of a father’s leadership and a family’s allegiance. Centuries later, Jesus would echo that very heartbeat when asked about the greatest commandment. Without hesitation, he pointed to the very core of our purpose: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30). In other words, the most important thing about being a man, a husband, a father—really, any follower of Jesus—is loving God wholeheartedly and leading others in that love.
Yet if we’re honest, that high calling as a father can feel overwhelming. Fathers and father-figures carry tremendous pressure. If you’re a dad, you might wonder, “Am I doing enough for my family? Does anyone notice the sacrifices I make? Am I failing at this?” You see your own shortcomings and fear you don’t measure up. But into those very doubts, God speaks a word of encouragement and promise. He reminds us that we’re not alone in this calling, because he is The God Who Builds. And when he builds, he doesn’t just stand off at a distance. He steps in—with grace that empowers. He is the Master Craftsman of our homes and hearts, and by his presence he supplies what we lack.
So, this Father’s Day weekend, let’s explore what it means to love and lead with Christlike strength under the guidance of the God who builds us up by his grace. We’ll hear God’s invitation to every kind of father: biological dads, stepdads, spiritual fathers, single men who hope to be dads, and fathers-in-law who love like dads. God’s Word will challenge us but also encourage us with grace and purpose.
The Myth of the “Perfect Dad”
The foundation of a loving God Who Builds is crucial because our culture offers a very different foundation. It holds up an impossible ideal – the myth of the “perfect dad.” You know the one:
- He provides lavishly – a big house, financial security, every opportunity for his kids – and never stresses about it.
- He’s emotionally strong and available always – never afraid, never failing, never at a loss, never raises his voice.
- He can fix anything: from a leaky faucet to a family crisis, he’s always competent and in control.
- He’s a spiritual hero too – leading model devotions at the breakfast table, never wavering in faith.
- And of course, he still has energy to coach the team, grill the steaks, mow the lawn, and give sage advice – all with a smile made for social media.
In short, he’s perfect. And the trouble is, when we hear about dads who seem like that, we’re tempted to believe everyone else is pulling it off while we’re struggling just to keep up.
But into that myth – into that lie – God speaks a better word. God never asked you to be perfect; He asks you to be present and faithful. The psalmist gently reminds us: “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1a). In other words, all our frantic efforts to be a “super-dad” amount to nothing if God isn’t in it. You were never meant to carry the weight of your family’s well-being on your shoulders alone. God is the master-builder of your home. He is the ultimate Protector and Provider. Yes, he’s called you to work hard and care well – but always in reliance on him. The verse continues, “Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain” (Psalm 127:1b). How many nights have you lain awake with worries about your family’s future, thinking it all depends on you? God lovingly says, “Son, you can rest. I’m watching over you and your family.” In fact, Psalm 127:2 goes on to say, “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.” What a freeing truth! Your long hours and late nights accomplish nothing if driven by anxious self-reliance. But if you trust the Lord, you can even sleep, knowing he’s got your household in his hands.
This is grace for the pressured father: Weakness is not a disqualification; it’s a doorway. Failure is not the end of your story. God’s grace doesn’t show up after you’ve got it all together – his grace meets you right in the mess. In the meltdown moments. In the financial strain. In the times you snap at your kids and then feel horrible. God’s grace rushes into those humble spaces to hold you up. You don’t need to be the mythical “perfect dad.” You need Jesus. And the good news is – if you are in Christ, he’s already by your side. You don’t have to be the perfect father – just a father who is anchored to the perfect Savior.
Christian writer Jeffrey Hemmer puts it this way: “The essence of masculinity is not rugged independence. It is sacrificial giving.”[1] In other words, being a godly man isn’t about having it all together by yourself; it’s about giving of yourself for the good of others – which means depending on God’s strength. That’s freeing! It means your greatest victories as a dad won’t be when you show off how strong or smart you are, but when you humbly serve your family and love them, even at cost to yourself. It means it’s okay to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong” to your kids or your wife – in fact, that’s powerful. It shows them a dad who is honest and relies on God’s grace.
Author Brant Hansen debunks the cultural caricature of manhood in a similar way. He notes that men are not truly “masculine” because they can bench-press a lot, win big paychecks, or dominate others. Rather, men fulfill their God-given design when they show up humbly and consistently for those in their care. Hansen writes that men “are ‘masculine’ not to the extent that [they] body-build or achieve sexual conquests or fix stuff, but to the extent that [they] are faithful to the job of being humble, consistent, dedicated keepers of the garden.”[2] What a picture – seeing our lives like a garden God has entrusted to us, to cultivate and protect. Your “garden” might be your household, your classroom, your workplace, your church ministry – any sphere where you have influence. The point is, God isn’t asking for the flashy perfection of a highlight reel; He’s asking for faithful presence and nurturing care. As Hansen observes, true masculinity – the kind God calls us to – will make the people around us feel safe and cared for. Ask yourself: do my wife and children, do my friends and coworkers, feel more secure and valued because of the way I carry myself? That’s far more important than whether you never make a mistake.
When you feel weak, Dad, that’s exactly when God can show himself strong through you. When you feel clueless, that’s the perfect time to pray, “Lord, I need you,” and watch him provide wisdom. When you fall short, it’s an opportunity to model humility and point your family to the true perfect Father in heaven.
So, let’s shatter the lie of the perfect dad. You have nothing to prove and no one to impress. Instead, you have a God to trust and a family to love. “Unless the Lord builds the house,” we labor in vain – but with the Lord as the Master Builder, even our imperfect labor is not in vain. He will take your loaves and fishes – the little you have on some days – and multiply them by his grace.
When Grace and Purpose Meet
So, what does it look like in practice to father and mentor others under God’s grace and calling? What does it mean to live as a man who is built by God and not merely by his own ego or effort? We’ve established it doesn’t mean having an easy, Instagram-perfect life. It doesn’t mean your kids will suddenly start behaving like angels, or that you’ll wake up tomorrow automatically the ideal husband or dad. It doesn’t mean all your fears about the future evaporate overnight.
Here’s what it does mean: because God is with you and his grace is sufficient, you can move forward with purpose, no matter how messy life gets. By God’s grace, you can embrace your high calling as a father figure without being paralyzed by fear or perfectionism. Justin Whitmel Earley, author of Habits of the Household, gives this encouragement: “If our goal was to do something perfect, we’d still be doing nothing.”[3]
In other words, don’t let the quest for perfection keep you from the small, good things you can do today. You don’t have to wait until you “have it all together” to start leading your family in prayer, or to initiate a heart-to-heart talk with your son, or to mentor that teenager at church. Start practicing faithfulness in the little routines of life, and watch how God works over time. In fact, Earley also reminds us, “We become our habits, and our kids become us.”[4] The daily choices you make – to speak kindly or harshly, to pray or to panic, to
open Scripture or turn on the TV – those choices are quietly shaping your heart. And little eyes are watching and learning. That might sound intimidating but take it as hope: every small step of faith you take is multiplied in the lives of those who follow you. Your habits can form a legacy.
So, empowered by grace and focused on God’s purpose, you can:
- Show up and be present, even when you feel inadequate. You might not have all the answers or a grand plan – but your very presence matters. Often the greatest gift you can give your family or mentees is your time and attention. Sit with your kids at bedtime, show up at the game or the recital, initiate that weekly coffee with the young man you’re mentoring. As one author put it, “The men we need are men with the right ambition: to go into the mess, into the chaos, into the mystery, knowing the Lord is with them… and then see what happens.”[5] Don’t shrink back from the messy parts of life – engage them, trusting that God is with you in the chaos.
- Lead by serving, not by demanding. Christlike strength doesn’t bully or brag; it bends low to wash feet. You exercise real authority in your home or community not by lording it over others, but by lifting others up. In your household “garden,” be the keeper who protects and tends. That could mean lovingly setting boundaries for your kids or standing up for what is right even if it’s unpopular or simply doing the unglamorous chores without complaint. Remember, “the essence of masculinity… is sacrificial giving.”[6] So, give yourself away in love – and watch your family flourish under that Christlike care.
- Practice consistent faith in the everyday routines. Don’t underestimate the power of small habits done in love. Pray with and for your family regularly – even if you feel like you fumble the words. Read Scripture together or speak blessings over your children at bedtime. Earley notes that God works through the ordinary rhythms of family life to draw us to himself; God’s love for you is not at stake in how well you perform these habits, but his love for you should motivate you to keep at them. Light a candle and pray at dinner, start a Saturday morning pancake tradition and share highs and lows from the week – whatever fits your context. Over time, these rhythms of grace shape the culture of your home. Consistency over perfection – that’s the goal.
- Depend on God’s strength daily. Leading with Christlike strength means acknowledging your strength alone isn’t enough – and that’s okay. Each day, ask God for the strength to love well. When you are frustrated or exhausted, take a breath and remember you’re not alone; the Holy Spirit is your helper. “The heart always follows habit,”[7] as Earley says, so make it a habit to turn to God in the small moments. Shoot up those arrow prayers: “Lord, give me patience right now,” or “Jesus, I need Your wisdom with this child.” Your dependence on God is not a sign of weakness; it’s the pathway to true strength. As you lean on him, you’ll find an inner resilience and peace that you can’t explain any other way.
- Keep the big picture in mind. God’s purpose for you is bigger than the day-to-day chaos. He is building something eternal through your temporary efforts. Psalm 127:3-4 reminds us that children are “a heritage from the Lord… like arrows in the hand of a warrior.” Think about that imagery: you are shaping arrows – investing in lives that will be launched into the world to make an impact for Christ beyond your lifetime. That perspective can transform how you view the nightly homework struggle or the teenage attitude or the long talks with a struggling young adult. These moments are discipleship. You’re honing arrows. And God is the archer who will aim them at the target of his choosing. Your job is to be faithful in the shaping and trust him with the sending.
As grace and purpose meet in your life, you’ll start to experience a shift. You’ll find that fatherhood (and mentorship) is not just a duty, but a calling – a holy calling that God himself equips you for. You’ll see that all those challenges that drive you to your knees are drawing you closer to your heavenly Father, who is shaping you even as you shape your children.
Just as Hagar in the desert gave God a name – El Roi, “the God who sees me” – you might begin to give God new names in your fatherhood journey: “The God who guides me.” “The God who carries me.” “The God who builds my house.” Because truly, it’s God’s presence in your life that makes all the difference.
Loved. Called. Empowered.
To every father and mentor, to every grandfather, to every man who’s ever poured himself out for someone else: You are not invisible. You are not forgotten. You are not alone. The God who promised to build your house is with you. The God who spoke, “Love Me with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength,” is loving you with all His heart and strength. The God who gave His Son for you will never walk away. He is utterly committed to you and your family.
So, this Father’s Day, may you hear the voice of God your Father speaking courage and grace into your life: “I am with you. I love you. My grace is enough.” As you choose – day by day – whom you will serve, know that the One you serve is also the One who strengthens and serves you. He is the God Who Builds, and he will surely finish the good work he has begun in you and through you.
This article supplements Pastor Ben Reichel’s June 15, 2025 message, “The God Who Builds.”
[1] Jeffrey Hemmer, Man Up!: The Quest for Masculinity (St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 2017).
[2] Brant Hansen, The Men We Need: God’s Purpose for the Manly Man, the Avid Indoorsman, or Any Man Willing to Show Up (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2022).
[3] Justin Whitmel Earley, Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2021).
[4] Justin Whitmel Earley, Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2021).
[5] Brant Hansen, The Men We Need: God’s Purpose for the Manly Man, the Avid Indoorsman, or Any Man Willing to Show Up (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2022)
[6] [6] Jeffrey Hemmer, Man Up!: The Quest for Masculinity (St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 2017).
[7] [7] Justin Whitmel Earley, Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2021).